29.5.13

Infertility Prayer Project: Mel's Story

I am so excited to have my first guest post for the Infertility Prayer Project and to have it be  Mel, who happens to be one of my favorite bloggers. She is someone who has been such an encouragement to me on my journey, not just regarding infertility, but my struggles with bipolar and PTSD...She always has something positive to say...
plus, she loves Jesus, Vino and Target. 
hello, my kinda girl!
 (I wonder if she loves bacon as much as I do;)

For those of you who aren't familiar with what the Infertility Prayer Project is all about, you can catch up here. If you would like to join in and share your current struggle or success story, please feel free to email me. and if you would just like prayers, let me know. I do it every week for the girls that have asked.

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I was so honored when Maddie asked me to share my story. 
  I hope that I can be an encouragement to you today.

My name is Mel & I blog over at The Larson Lingo. 
A little bit about me...I'm a California girl, born & raised!
I love Jesus, wine, coffee, photography & throwing parties.
Target is my Happy Place.

I am a part time 7th grade math teacher and have been teaching for 9 years. 
 I have been married for almost 11 years to Kevin and we have 3 sweet kids.
 Kate is 6, Claire is 4 and our baby boy Luke is 9 months old.
I had 2 miscarriages before I had my 3 kids.
 
Ectopic Pregnancy at 6 weeks on October 22, 2002 (due date June 23, 2003)
Miscarriage at 10 weeks D&C on October 25, 2005 (due date May 26, 2006)

I still think about them & wonder.
Were they a boy or a girl?
I could have a 10 year old and a 7 year old.
But then I wouldn't have my Kate, Claire or Luke.
 God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.
This is what would remind myself during my saddest days.

In
the process of having miscarriages & sharing about them, I have met
many, many women who have lost their sons and daughters. I have
friends, family & co workers who have had miscarriages. I have
several friends who have lost their babies at full term, days &
months after having them. I can't imagine the pain they have suffered.


The
Lord has broken my heart for families who have to endured these types
of losses. I don't fully know the pain these families have gone through,
but I have felt a small fraction of it.


This is one of the reasons I felt called me to become a volunteer photographer for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep last year. I cannot take away the pain of someone's loss, but I can give them something to remember their child by.
You can read about my journey to become a volunteer with them HERE.

Here is my story of loss:

Kevin and I got married on August 24, 2002. We wanted to wait 3-4 years
to have kids. I was on the pill and took it religiously at the same
time every day. Imagine my surprise when I found out I was pregnant 2
months after we got married. We had always wanted kids, just not so soon
after getting married. I went to the doctor & they gave me a due
date of June 23, 2003.
I
was FREAKING out & couldn't believe I was pregnant. This pregnancy
was our "honeymoon baby". Apparently I got pregnant on our honeymoon.
Unfortunately,
a few days after I found out I was pregnant in October of 2002, I woke
up to an intense pain on my left side & when I went to the bathroom I
was massively bleeding & then I passed out. Kevin rushed in and
woke me up & we rushed to my doctor & after some tests, he
informed me that I was having an ectopic pregnancy & that I had to
go immediately to the hospital for emergency surgery because the
condition was life threatening for me. So, that Tuesday night in late
October, I was rushed to the hospital for surgery. Luckily, I have one
of the best doctors in the area & he was able to save my left
fallopian tube (it was already starting to rupture). I am glad that I
was unaware of how serious ectopic pregnancies can be.
I didn't realize I could have died if my tube ruptured.
Even though my doctor saved my fallopian tube (and my life!), I always
wondered how this would effect my ability to get pregnant & have
kids. One of my biggest dreams was to be a mommy & for the next few
years I wondered if that would ever happen.


Fast forward to the summer of 2005.

This is when we decided to start "trying". We got lucky & I got
pregnant the 2nd month after we started trying. I was due May 26, 2006.
Kevin and I were thrilled. I couldn't wait to have a baby & be a
mommy. I was relieved that the ectopic pregnancy didn't effect my
ability to get pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I went
in for blood work to make sure my numbers were doubling. My dr called
and told me my progesterone was low & I needed to be on progesterone
suppositories 2 times a day. Let me tell, you , those are NOT fun.
Nasty. My pregnancy was progressing, at 6 weeks the nausea hit big time
& I was throwing up 2-3 times a day. I was miserable, but it was
worth it. We had our first ultrasound at almost 6 weeks to make sure the
baby was in my uterus and not my tube. The baby was in my uterus & I
scheduled another appt at 8 weeks for the heartbeat check. The 8 week
ultra sound was no so great. There was a heart beat, but it was very low
& took my doctor a long time to find it. He said I needed to come
back in a week for another heartbeat check. At that appointment, there
was still a slow heartbeat, but the baby was not growing on track &
was only measuring 7 weeks. My doctor warned us not to be too
optimistic, but I still had really bad morning sickness and was getting
sick a few times a day. I thought that was a good sign. I had to go in
again at 10 weeks for another heartbeat & growth check. At the 10
week appointment, the heart had stopped beating. We had lost the baby
& my doctor scheduled me in for a D&C that night.
It was a Tuesday night in late October, just like 3 years before. As
I walked into the hospital for surgery, I felt like I was on Groundhog
Day. Another surgery to remove another baby from my body that didn't
make it.


After my D&C, I was going through the motions of life. We were told
to wait 3 cycles before we could try again so that my body could heal.
Those were 3 very long, hard & dark months for me. I was numb.


My 2nd miscarriage hit me so much harder than my first one.

I was mad at God for taking this baby from us.


It took me about 6 months to process it. During that time, I had a lot
of support from family & friends and for that, I am thankful.


I
am thankful to my awesome & supportive husband who would hold me as
I cried many nights mourning our loss wondering if I would ever have a
baby. I would cry myself to sleep whenver a friend told me they were
pregnant. I was truly happy for them, but SO sad for me. It was just
another reminder of what I didn't have.


I am thankful to our pastor who helped me process some of my feelings & emotions during the months after our loss.

I
am thankful to my mom who encouraged me during this time & gave me
hope (she had 4 losses in between me & my younger sister including
an ectopic & a placenta separation at 21 weeks).


I
am thankful for my best friend AK. She had 2 miscarriages around the
same time I did. I was able to call her & cry with someone who was
going through the same thing I was. She understood my pain.


I
am thankful to my dear friend Lorie who had suffered 2 losses. She
shared her prayer journal with me & held me up in prayer when I was
too sad to pray for myself.



After we good the go ahead to start trying again, it took us 3 months
and we got pregnant in May of 2006. We found out on Kevin's 31st
birthday, (a week before my "due date" with my 2nd miscarriage)
We
were excited, but I was really nervous about having another
miscarriage. I was a stress case & paranoid my entire pregnancy.



On January 23, 2007 , I gave birth to our beautiful Katelyn Grace. It
was a moment I will never forget & an emotion I can't put into
words. 
One of my favorite pictures EVER (30 seconds after Kate was born)


 I was reminded again at the miracle of life when Claire was born
on September 9, 2008 and on August 9, 2012 when Luke was born.
 
God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him.


I never thought I would say this, but part of me is grateful I have
been through miscarriages because it has given me compassion & a
heart for those who have also suffered losses. My miscarriages caused me
to cling to God & put my faith, hope & trust in HIM instead of
myself.


It drew me closer to Christ as I clung to Psalm 20:4:
"May He give you the desires of your heart and make your plans succeed."
God was faithful to me even though many times, I have been unfaithful to Him.

I
am thankful to God who carried me through a dark time & showed me
that He was there for me & He did have a plan for me & that HIS
timing is better than my timing.


Because
of this, when I hear of others who have suffered a loss, I mourn with
them. I pray for them, I listen, I cry with them. My heart breaks with
them.


I can't make them feel better or make their pain go away, but I can make it less lonely.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.I was reminded again & again that God has a purpose & a plan even when I don't understand.

Another
thing I have learned through this is that I was NOT alone during a time
where I felt so alone and when it seemed like EVERYONE around me was
pregnant, except me.
 
God was there, carrying me through this tough time.
God is with YOU carrying you through this tough time. 
God has not forgotten you.
God has a plan. His timing is perfect. Trust in Him. 
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Thank you so much for sharing, Mel! Your kids are beautiful and Luke's pictures keep me happy on instagram. head over to her blog and check her out!

And next week I will have a guest poster who is currently struggling to become pregnant.

thewhimsy1@gmail.com

4 comments:

  1. This post is so touching. I love Mel! And I love this series!

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  2. This is a very sweet. we have been trying for a while now and it is nice to read these posts. Thanks for starting this.

    Tanjie

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  3. Such a precious and touching post. So happy you are doing this..you are amazing my friend :)

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  4. Thank you for letting me share my story here. Love you! xoxo.

    ReplyDelete

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