Musings On Marriage

 but first, a few weeks ago was our ten year anniversary party and I did a simple party with lots of touches of mint and coral and I knew I wanted an ivory dress and accessories to play up my colors.

I found this sweet dress at Ross for $17 it was so comfortable. I only wish I had been a little more tan, and oh, you know...a lot thinner;) haha

 Of course I had mint and coral toes...who do you think I am?!

and cause I know you want to see it...a few touches from the party;)

And these are a few thoughts on marriage. and let me start by saying that these are only what I have found works for us. I most certainly cannot speak to be a marriage guru. I hate the lists of "do this or don't do that" and they are seen as "truth" Each couple is different and we are all unique. So take this for what it is worth;) 

My first piece of advice...let your faith be at the center of your marriage. I pray for my husband and our future in all aspects....Jeremiah 29:11 is our life verse.

Do not adopt the philosophy of "If it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce".

I just do not understand this thought process. Marriage is hard work, people!!! There are plenty of obstacles that will make their way to your blissful marriage path, do not make it easier for the doubts to creep in.

I fully realize that some marriages just will not work and I will never judge someone for taking that route. However, why get married if that is your mindset from the very beginning? It should always be the last option (and obviously there are exceptions, as with anything!) Just remember, if you're looking for your spouse to make you "happy" your marriage is always going to be playing catch up.

 Have friendships outside of your marriage.

Relationships with other people can actually strengthen yours with your spouse. I enjoy time with my girlfriends, being my own person and when I am with my husband, I am able to fully appreciate our time together. So ladies, please don't keep him from the intermittent "guys night" or "guys weekend" as long as they are 'behaving' themselves, why would you stop it?  Men need other men, just as we need girlfriends. If not, there are areas of our lives that will be lacking and can lead to bitterness.


 Do not bad mouth/disrespect your spouse to other people.

Wiki is late to everything. I mean everything. He is so perpetually late that his nickname in HS was "TYTT' as in 'Take your time, Tony" and it stuck. On the complete opposite spectrum, my personal mantra is "if you're on time, you're already 5 minutes late" I assume you can infer how well that works out for us.

It drives me bonkers and he knows it...but that is about the most anyone is going to get from me on things about him that are not all peachy. I may reference small things here or there, but I do not believe it is in the best interest of your relationship to substantiate claims as to why your spouse is a jerk or etc.

and here is my reasoning why...

 You may think after a row with your husband that you just need to vent to a friend...but by spilling too many personal tidbits between the two of you; things he has said in a fight, how you think he treats you, hurtful and hateful comments...your friend is formulating opinions about your spouse that are probably negative and may not be fair or even true.After all, they are only receiving one side to the story and based on your emotional state at the time, your view of the events and how things went down, may not be the most accurate. {this is very true if you're me and you know...have bipolar. haha)

Especially do not run to mommy and daddy. You are your own family now and portraying a picture to your parents that he is a jerk will be hard for them to remove once you have planted the seed! Grow a garden, not weeds.

And, I also realize that in certain circumstances, you really need someone to talk to. Life is full of mitigating circumstances and will never be black/white. Just tread carefully is the gist of what I am saying. You don't need to promote the visual of a perfect marriage, but you don't have to put it all out there either...

and if you are anything like me, if you ever said something out of annoyance to a friend and then they agreed with you...you get all defensive. haha You know the rule, he is my husband, he may drive me crazy, but if you even hint he is anything less than perfect...I will throat punch you. Ok, not really, but I would want to, which is why I never give anyone a reason!

 Remember...we are different!

We were in a small group at our church shortly after we were married and one of the books we read excerpts from was titled "Men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti" We didn't read the whole book, but there were particular topics that made perfect sense.

The premise is this- Women are like spaghetti in the way that all aspects of our lives are intertwined and you can't tell where one begins and another ends. If we are in a fight with our friends, it effects our home life and in turn, we bring it with us to work, yada yada.

Men are like waffles in the way that they are able to compartmentalize. Each box is completely separate: Work is work, friends are friends. etc.(and while in certain instances, this isn't true, I am straight up doing a generalization here;) I remember one specific chapter pertained to when men are in their own little world and their wife will ask "what're you thinking about?" and the man will respond with "nothing" and of course the woman then makes it her duty to discover what they are thinking about when, in fact, he really was thinking of absolutely nothing!

They are also fixers. and when we have problems that cannot be easily fixed, they can sometimes come across as being insensitive, when they just want to fix it and if they can't, they want it to go away. And sometimes, all we want is compassion. Talk to your spouse!

It has been ten years since we read this book, but I will never forget the time a few years ago... we were on the couch and Wiki was being quiet. I kept harping on what was wrong, what was he thinking, etc when he became exasperated and quipped. "I am in my waffle box and it's empty, completely empty!!!" Well then...Lesson learned.

 Be their biggest fan!

Men like to know that you're proud of them. I have not always been the best at this. I never stopped to think about the pressure that is on my husband and his job and the need to "provide" for our family. He works so hard and while I sometimes hate the hours he has to work, I know he is doing it for our future. He is a man of hard work ethic and character. When he annoys I readily inform him, probably more than I should and I am purposely trying to spend way more effort to let him know the things I love about him and how proud he makes me. and due to my illness...I have a man who stayed when most would have left and I am often awed by the love and compassion he has bestowed upon me when I least was deserving. But isn't that what love is? If someone only loved me in the way I deserved...I would be in trouble.

 Remember that loving someone is a choice

. and if you want your marriage to succeed, choose love. There is absolutely no one on earth who is capable of stirring up the feelings/emotions in me that my husband is. No one can infuriate me as quickly as he can and no one can make me laugh like he does. and when he makes me laugh when I am angry..that makes me even madder.

There is nothing like marriage to bring you to the realization that it is indeed possible to love someone completely while simultaneously hating absolutely everything about them. He has brought me to the point of being completely enraged and 15 minutes later happily discussing our dinner plans. We have fought and we have made up too many times to count...because we chose love. You will go through phases, sometimes you will have the "pitter patter heart stirring" love, then it will be the "tag team, we're in this together love" and it tends to go in circles, don't give up when it seems broken. 

Choose to surround yourself with people who believe in you as a couple, and want the best for you. This is pretty simple, but can be powerful.

all I know is that marriage is the hardest endeavor I have ever undertaken and it is the most worthwhile. At the end of the day, I love him and he loves me. And we did this with major, and I do mean major, hurdles being thrown our way: illnesses, the unexpected & tragic deaths of three people, long hours at work, infertility, my PTSD and bipolar. I do not always like my husband...but I love him more than anything. and that is what choosing love looks like. and we are in a perpetual state of learning each other. 

As I stated, each couple is different and not all marriages are going to work the same. What works in your marriage? What is the best advice you have been given?

and that's my two cents, however right or wrong it may be...

Linking up with Sarah, Shanna, Your Whims Wednesday, Rolled up Pretty, Pleated Poppy

Getting Jekyll With It

Basically...my weekend happenings are from a weekend that happened two weeks ago. Apparently, I am slow to the draw. Either way...it was a grand ole time and you are going to be so delighted you decided to read about my past trip;) no? Yes!

As some of you know, a few weeks ago was my ten year anniversary and Wiki took me to Saint Simons and Jekyll Island, Georgia. 

I was in Myrtle Beach nannying for the week and he picked me up before we slowly(and I mean s.l.o.w.l.y.) meandered our way down hwy 17 towards coastal Georgia.

When he picked me up, he handed me this rose and jokingly quipped "Will you accept this rose?" he is a keeper;)

We have had such a great time celebrating ten years of being hitched. so...
prepare for a large photo barrage;) as in...roughly 6200 or so.

First up, we stopped for a quick lunch at Pawley's Island

We then made a pit stop in Georgetown, SC.  Look at these chocolates! I got the bourbon ones...obviously.

It was such a quaint little town and I loved walking around.

They had a sailing school in session. How cute!

Finally, around 7:30( you thought I was exaggerating when I said slowly, you'll think better next time;) We made our way into the lovely Island of Saint Simons and since we were hungry, we checked in and headed right for dinner. We Stopped in at Brogen's. My burger was really good. 

and then we had a quick drink before heading to our Inn for some sleep...

Saturday morning we lounged by the pool for a few minutes before heading out for some lunch

It was some pretty tasty BBQ, it has been featured on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. I absolutely loved the location...and while the food was good, I think I am just spoiled by Durham's bbq;)

I was absolutely in love with this drive. So relaxing and just gorgeous.

 We stopped at Christ Church to walk around for a bit, one of the many historic stops on the Island.

 And probably my favorite part of the island, Fort Fredrica. We were able to check out the last remaining remnants of the towne and they were engaged in a reenactment while we were there.

In other words, I, the prolific history nerd was salivating at the mouth.

Then we headed to Coast Guard Beach for a bit to catch some rays.

We had dinner at Coastal Kitchen at the Marina in Saint Simons. I loved this place, they went above and beyond, they saved us a table with the most amazing view, wrote on our napkins, gave us dessert on the house...oh, and the whole bottomless wine glass concept. My love was swift and forever.

Next up, drinks at this sweet little spot.

On our last morning in Saint Simons, we had breakfast at 4th of May...maybe the worst service ever, but this view and my burger made up for it.

Had time for some shopping...of course!

Loved the clouds over the lighthouse. Not the lightning storm that followed....

This picture was a complete accident and it is one of my favorite captures ever, we were driving over the bridge to Jekyll Island and the wind gave the shot this wavy effect.

We stayed at the Jekyll Island Club, which is located in the historic district. I cannot say enough about our stay here. The service was fantastic and we loved everything about our stay. 

 Happy Hour is all day on Sunday...as in ALL Day. and your girl took note. Woot.

The view from our room.

The streets of historic Jekyll Island.

Faith Chapel. Someone needs to get married here and invite us. Any takers?

We went to the dinner/dance they have every Sunday. Oh my gosh, it was awesome. The food was fantastic and how fun is live music and dancing. The best part is there are couples who have been going every Sunday for over 30 years. How sweet is that?!

Wiki had surprised me with strawberries and Champagne in the room for our annv. and then the hotel ended up giving it to us on the house due to us spending our ten year on the Island. 

 After breakfast on Monday before heading home, we explored the island a little more and stopped on Glory Beach...and about 5 min after this shot it was pouring...pouring...

 Took this from the passenger seat going about 45 mph as we headed off the island...patting myself on the back for this.  Humbleness is my specialty.

Bye Bye Golden Isles, we will be back!

Thanks to the ever lovely Sara from Social Sara for giving me lots of Saint Simons hints, we loved our time there and Coastal Kitchen was excellent!!!

and speaking of Social Sara...she is co hosting the coolest blog swap for all of you monogram lovers, head over and check it out!

via here

Linking up with

Sami

Meg

Funday Monday

Join The Gossip

How He & She Became We...

Today marks ten years of being the Mrs to his Mr. 
(and PSA, prepare for some mush)

First up, I should mention that I really wanted to walk down the aisle to Brickhouse...and my mother so rudely nixed that. She is really into being classy. Some people...

Our wedding was awesome, we got married at a bed & breakfast with 300 of our favorite people looking on...oh, and I can't forget the cows. We also had a wedding party of 32 people. 

Yes, you read that correctly

...32 people. 12 Bridesmaids, 12 groomsman, 5 ushers and 3 flowergirls/ring bearer. And while I was completely overwhelmed at first...Looking back, I am not sure I would have changed a thing. I love each of these people and everyone has had a major impact on my life.

    We started our future together that day...

Cannot even believe it!  Sometimes it feels just like yesterday and yet others...it feels like forever ago. We have somehow fit a lifetime of antics into ten years and I cannot even begin to imagine how the next ten...and beyond, will look like.

I am more than blessed to be B.. I have been lucky enough to be the carrier of two amazing names. For the first 24 years of my life, I spent it as a Blanks. I was proud to be the only girl carrying that name on in my family, one day knowing I would take on my husbands, but none the less proud of what it stood for.

My father is an amazing man of integrity and character. And in choosing my husband, I chose someone completely opposite of my father in so many ways...but not the ones that count. Tony(yes, Wiki is a Tony;) encompasses every trait that a woman should look for in a husband. He is caring, he has a work ethic that most people could never even fathom, he treats everyone the same. He is smart. He is simply pretty awesome. If you want any more down low on him, you can read my 35 favorite things about him here.

But before I make you want to vomit...he is a man,ergo...sometimes I could wring his neck;) haha 

So today on our ten year anniversary. Here are my ten of my favorite moments from our life together.

1) The day we first purchased our new home. We had no furniture yet, it was still at our old apartment, but we had a step stool and we ate Wendy's(late night) and had champagne. and just talked about our dreams for the future.

2)The day he got his letter that he got into the masters program at Duke. It was a "we" accomplishment and I was so proud of him. and then watching him graduate two years later.

3)Our night in Chiles Valley and our stay at Rustridge Vineyard. Brunch in tiberon on the water, nights in San Francisco and Napa. Best. Week. Ever.

4) Playing scene it and the time the girls actually won. Tony isn't used to losing. It was a pretty priceless moment. Hey, I hold onto this moment, they are far too rare;)

5) New Years with our friends, we have had so many good ones, from a wedding at the Seaport hotel in Boston, to Jamestown Island in Rhode Island, Miami and the beach to just chilling at our house, combining our two traditions from growing up.

6) His speech at his brother's wedding. Knowing how much he loves his brother and hearing his thoughts and the excitement of a new sister in law.

7) Our trip from Philly to Buffalo for a week of back to back weddings where he surprised me and took  me to an Inn in Vermont for the week in between.

8) nights around the fire with my family and listening to my brother sing and we all just tell stories. Simple country nights at their best

9) Our wedding. Truthfully, it was beyond amazing and I still have people mention to me, over and over...how it was the best one they ever attended. and I know they think this, because on more than one occasion, I have met friends of friends and they have said "oh, the one from the amazing wedding?" Yup...pretty much. All of my favorite people, in one place.

10) Our honeymoon. Although...it was a bit too long. But we were officially "we" and I loved every second. We spent a few days in DC and then a glorious week in Aruba. The weather was perfect, the people were so friendly and the drinks were all buy one get one free and then we headed to NYC for the next week. Just us, taking in one of our favorite places, no schedule...just great shopping, shows and food.

and as a bonus.

11) My grandfather is a huge and I mean huge Cubs fan, my childhood is filled with memories of him in his recliner watching games on WGN. He had seen them play a few times, but never at Wrigley, So for his 80th birthday we surprised him with tickets to a game and spent July 4th weekend in Chicago with my grandparents. Probably one of the most memorable times in my life. And he loved every second, showing my grandparents around. One of the reasons I love him so.

I cannot wait to see what the next ten years hold. 

I made  a video of our life together(cause, hello, why wouldn't I?!) and I chose this song because in my case...it is true. If you know anything at all about my illness or story, then you will understand the meaning behind these words, It is not merely a love song, it speaks volumes to my struggle and the man who stands beside me.

This was the song we had our first dance to. Still love it to this day. Maybe we should dance to it this weekend while we're living it up in Jekyll Island and St Simons...perhaps not. I will just drink cocktails instead. and probably eat.
in other words...Like pretty much my usual schedule.

This ten years has been a ride. Sometimes bumpy, but marriage is hard work. Stick with it and you will be rewarded in ways you never thought possible. Everything  that  is worth anything, requires diligence. Anyone who paints marriage as perfect and all roses is full of it,  that isn't reality, the tough times are where you learn the most and they make the really good days that much more enjoyable.

I still have the story of us and marriage myths to write up, Service didn't cooperate with me this week, but I promise to have them up soon. Here are a few of our ten year photos:) He found a coral blazer to match our coral/mint theme. and I love it;)

Linking up with

Whitney

That Annual Day That My Husband Robs

the cradle. And for the next six months he will be my elder. And I remind him of it frequently. For the full six months.

For His birthday, we had a few friends over and these were my drink creations. Recipes coming soon.

 took a twist to the Red Robin Blue Moon shake and made my own and then came up with a bourbon cheerwine daiquiri. Yum and then more yum.

But now I wanted to be share my 35 favorite things about my husband to ring in his 35th year. So you can indulge in them all...or skim. But they're pretty good.

Your voice. I mean...me and the rest of the world.

Your compassion for other people.

Your love and pride in being from Boston

Your relationship with your family

Your coolness factor

The fact that everyone who meets you loves you.

Your way past chocolate brown eyes.

Your lips. Pretty much my favorite thing about you;)

Your work ethic, even when I act begrudgingly, it's out of respect

Your brain. But I think it's full. No really, stop learning.

Your sweet potato home fries. Oh. Mah. Goodness

When you fill my car up with gas, like our first date.

How you respect my sports knowledge & will even call me if you have a question.

Your relationship with my brother.

How you treat my.parents

The fact that you plan the best trips ever.

How you have taken me places I would never really go otherwise.

Your relationship with your hs buddies.

How you always drive everywhere. I act all offended, but we all know I hate driving.

Your decorating abilities. People always compliment me on the house. Uh...yea, that's all you.

Your graciousness with my friends.

That you grasped in sickness and health.

That you push me out of my comfort zone. I usually appreciate it later. 

much, much later

That you got your masters at Duke while working well past full time.

That you are so smarty pants mcgee that you created this app from a mere idea. Made it reality and then. Oh you know, no big deal...got written up in Forbes magazine!

and won the innovation award for the whole company.

You can check out the video. Wiki is the hot one...With the voice. Mine.

Isite App

That you plus one my blog pages

Your steak making abilities. Otherworldly.

How much taller you are than me. Our 14 inch height differential gives me hope for our chilrens.

You love the Patriots as much as meeeeee.

How you're buying me a cavapoo. Right?....right? RIGHT?!

Your mutual love of history. Nerds unite.

Wine weekends.

How you look in a pearl snap. Rawr

That you came with one of the best families around. Love me some them!

How you are your own GPS

How you are just pretty awesome.

Linking up with 

Life of Meg

That Holiday That Is a Double Edged Sword

Oh, Mother's Day...

The things you can do to my emotions.

Not this year. I was ready for you. Armed with a new niece and the promise of bestie twins coming in the fall. You cannot make me sad this year. I will not look at you as representing the one thing that evades me so(ok, not the one thing. singing and not scaring people still hasn't happened yet;) It would instead represent what will be in my future and I would concentrate on the here and now.

and then CBS This Morning happened. 

I am watching Sidney Portier and how his acting career began and seeing this man, once again, epitomize class, when, after the commercial break, a woman who has just had a baby goes on a spiel about "geriatric" pregnancies. and how anyone over the age of 35 fits into this category and being an "older mom" and the possible problems that go along with this. It wasn't her fault, she was trying to put a positive spin on it...but it happened on a morning where I didn't want to be reminded. 

and I lost it. I quietly left the room so not to have my poor father in law see the ridiculous effect that some woman's words had on me...and made myself busy in the other room. 

geriatric pregnancy...what the fudgeaduck

The thoughts kept ruminating through my mind. "I can't be a part of this, I don't count. I was 25 when we first started" and a lot of other thoughts that I am gonna go ahead and not write down for you. I can at least pretend to be a lady.

and then Wiki walks in and hand me his phone. He has googled "geriatric pregnancies" and stumbled upon an article called the "geriatric pregnancy myth" he, for some  unknown reason, thought that it would be a good idea. it wasn't. It almost got thrown back at him.  But then I realized it was his work phone and you know...he was saved by the skin of his teeth.

He was only trying to help. It. just. didn't.

Here is the thing. I do not give one ever lovin iota if "lots and lots of women are having babies over 35" I never wanted to be one of them. I didn't and I still don't but obviously I have little choice left. I have plenty of people I know who have and they love it and it works for them. 

It just wasn't what I wanted for myself. I wanted to be a young mother. So if you ever meet me, please do me a favor. Refrain from telling me that "women here have babies later in life" "You guys have all the time in the world" Because while you may mean well...

I probably really want to become volatile towards you;)

I then did what was my only logical choice...I googled it myself and read articles that made me feel better. Ones where the women were pretty much telling doctors and anyone who used that term to "go and eff themselves"  although, now it is apparently known as "advanced maternal age" cause that is so much more appealing. 

My favorite was this one liner from a woman who said that if her doctor told her that "I would ask him where the hell my senior citizen discount was then" 

and after a little bit, I breathed and I got over it. I looked at my chubby niece and held her as much as I could. I breathed in her sweet baby scent and I kept handing her to my husband. because in those small moments I got to picture what my life will hopefully look like one day.

a chubby, dark hair baby with olive skin, in my husband's arms.

Interestingly enough, yesterday when I went to my blogger homepage I had inadvertently checked in under my other email and it was from my other blog that popped up.and I found this blog post I had written two years ago. 

and it is still true for today.

Un-Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day...a day that could remind me of what I'm not. Instead is the the day to see my momma and realize what I can strive to be. I am very lucky. My mom has her quirks(don't we all, I say, don't we all) but no matter what I struggled w/in my life: whether it be heartbreak or triumph, a boy hurting my feelings or a friend letting me down...I never questioned that she had my back or that if I did something wrong, she still loved me, but I better try to make it right.

My mom is my moral compass. She listened to my hurts, dried my tears and pushed me to succeed. She loves us each, almost to a fault. I was her only girl growing up. Three brothers and me. I hated this and wanted a sister. God did me one better, he gave my brothers amazing wives and I got to keep my "only girl" status. see: win/win. The times we can drive each other bonkers, I look at our life and see that our decisions, good and bad, came from her and my dad. I appreciate her most when I look back on this. The fact that we chose so well in our other halves, are a reflection of how they raised us.

So one day, when it's finally my turn and I get my chance to celebrate "Mother's Day", I only hope that I am half as good at is as she was....she wasn't perfect, but she taught me to love and trust in the One that was.